How to find love or a relationship

 

Having a romance is something beautiful and desirable, so people always want to know how to find love or a relationship, meaning to live a possible fairy tale.  In a way it is normal to wish the universe to conspire in our favor; the “naked reality” can be very harsh.

Even if we are mature enough, one of our potencialities is to transcend; to imagine, to fantasize, so, it´s normal to find yourself daydreaming about it.  Consider the following:  “If I won the lottery, I would…”, I have heard it from many people, and I also thought about it myself.

 

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But this fantasy can be dangerous…

Sure, we all know that, I am proposing here a commitment to yourself; it is possible to keep the hope in finding a healthy love, even with the difficulties regarding this process.

In this romantic love, this ideal seems to have a special highlight, because it is very common to wish that everything happens in a magical way.

Fantasies to reconsider: when people say “when you stop searching, you find it” (usually we are more successful in finding something when we keep looking for it), “time will heal everything.” (maybe it won’t, or maybe it will take long, maybe many years…)

The idea of finding love in a planned way is not so well seen like it is when you do it to get a good job, or even have kids. Check the article “Finding Love”.. In my point of view this can help.

 

What about trying to project ourselves as the branches of a tree, with strong and fed roots?!…

It seems that, if there is a practical strategy to find the romantic love, the whole enchantment in it will be gone.  We want it to be just like the beginning of the movie Closer (see below).

In this part (sequence of scenes), we see two beautiful people who have a magical encounter, this goes into our imagination, and is harbored by the media and by ourselves, or better, “there is a con-fusion” about what is authentic and what we absorb from our “external” life.

 

How to find love or a relationship –

Something like winning the lottery of love; because they always mention that the resolution of the problems would come in winning in the best prize of the lottery:

 

The “lottery triad”, as I say:

1. Big result

2. Fast

3. No efforts.

 

My proposal to find love:

1. Very good result

2. It may take a while

3. It demands efforts

We can reconcile hope with existence – Fantasy with feasible possibilities – Beware of the lottery triad even for other situations of existence.

 

Bacellart Clinic Psychologist – Psycotherapist

Approach: Existential Phenomenology and  Psychoanalist in Winnicott maturing process;

Guest Student – Gilberto Safra – PhD/USP and Zeljko Loparic/PUC;

Specialist in depression, professional development, marriage and dating relationships;

Originator of the Social Project Arvorecendo

Available for TV, radio, magazine and newspaper interviews.

Wanting to win the lottery of love is not a mature attitude.